I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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