Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
