at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
