My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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