After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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