i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
