"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
