Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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