When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
