girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
