your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
