Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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