You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
