Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
