that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
