i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
