they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
birth control should be required to get into college
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
