There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
