So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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