"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
