So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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