What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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