i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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