yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
