he looks like a really good dad on facebook
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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