um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
