see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
