walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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