so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
