My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
