I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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