I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
