woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
