eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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