Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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