It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
