Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
