After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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