I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
