my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
