You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
