Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
