Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
