I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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