you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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