she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
