Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
