So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
