We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
