zippers are such a cool invention
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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