I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
