...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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