You just made me feel so damn special
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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