Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
