Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
