Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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